My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
