checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
