so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
