Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
