Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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