there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
