im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
