i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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