PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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