dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
