I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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