if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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