Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
