forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
