He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
