Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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