Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
