I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She bit a glass in half.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
