Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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