so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
