If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Holy shit dude........stairs
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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