the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
