even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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