nut hugger
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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