please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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