i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
