Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Randomize
