I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
