new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
