you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
