ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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