Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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