Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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