sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
