o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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