im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
