ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
