My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize