Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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