did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Is it penis luge time yet?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
