oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
