She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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