Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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