Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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