Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
