Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
