Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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