Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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