Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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