At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
