Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
