just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
