We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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