I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize