ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
