I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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