see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
