you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
