I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
