I am puke
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
