Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
