There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
