Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
