What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have tasted many bathrooms
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
