I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
