I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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