I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
