he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
