I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
