The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
