I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
