no, he came in my armpit
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
