At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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