why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
