Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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