You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
